Do you set a curfew and consistently enforce house rules?

Having curfews and enforcing them sometimes feels like it puts barriers between you and your teenager, but curfews are very important. Teens with curfews have a greater sense of accountability. They know that parents who wait up will be much more likely to figure out what condition they are in when they come home. In addition, if an adolescent knows that curfews are serious business and he/she will be more likely to tell you where he/she is going if he/she is lobbying for an extension. Kids without curfews are less accountable and less connected to their parents. Curfews provide the structural support for good decision making. The key is to set limits and consequences clearly for your teens with regards to curfew as well as other house rules. By setting limits and enforcing the consequences ahead of time, you can avoid power struggles and ugly confrontations later on.

There used to be an old saying that nothing good happens after . . .

Fill in the time and set a curfew for your teen.

• Sit down and talk to your teen and other family members about a reasonable time for a curfew.
• Get some feedback from other adults including parents and teachers on what a reasonable curfew is for your child’s age range.
• Check the local ordinances and state laws for curfew restrictions and violations.
• Do not base your decision on what "all the other kids are doing".
• After you have established an appropriate curfew time, put it in writing, by making it part of a "house rules" contract, which your child as well as you must sign. (Keep your "house rules" contract concise and simple so as not to overwhelm your child.)
• Establish clear consequences for violating a curfew, and make the consequences reasonable and enforceable.
• Once the rules have been set and agreed upon, avoid argumentation and negotiating, but revisit the rules on a regular basis, possibly every 6 months or more frequently if necessary. Know when to be flexible and when to stand your ground.
• Be clear and consistent and be sure to be in agreement with your spouse or other adult in the home who shares parenting responsibility.
• Be sure to talk about values and attitudes like respect, cooperation, honesty, service and compassion with your kids which can be more important then setting curfews and clear cut house rules.
• Be sure to tell your child that the rules exist because you love them and care what happens to them and their friends. The issue of "trust" is not the primary reason for rules.